Smoking

The large majority of smokers started smoking when they were very young, because of peer-pressure, in order to feel more grown-up and ‘cool’. Things, however, have changed dramatically in recent years and our society now sees smoking for what it is: a very harmful habit which can lead to a painful and premature death. It is also costly, at a time when people are trying to cut down on expenses. Smoking is antisocial; smokers’ clothes smell badly and many people are repelled by this.

There are many methods that claim to help you stop smoking but most have very poor rates of success and in some cases they are totally ineffective. More and more smokers are trying to stop but often they have grown disillusioned and cynical after various and repeated failures. Drugs, patches, gums: are they familiar to you? Have you really lost all hope of freeing yourself from this ugly habit? Then try hypnotherapy. It has been proved to be the most successful method of stopping smoking, with a success rate above 90% and I shall explain to you why.

The fact is that most commonly used methods treat smoking as an addiction, while it is not. An addiction is characterised by chemical transformations in the body. These transformations appear in the physical body and the mind has no power over them: chemical transformations are neutralised by other chemical substances. Addictions also cause serious physical withdrawal symptoms because of their chemically based nature.

This doesn’t happen with smoking: nicotine is expelled from the body in as little as 48 hours. If nicotine were so addictive, people who use nicotine patches to stop smoking should then go to rehab clinics to get rid of the nicotine addiction, but there are no rehab clinics for nicotine addicts.

Smoking is not an addiction, but a habit and therefore it is the mind that needs to be involved if we want to get rid of it. Our conscious mind is facing challenges all the time and this is why as soon as an action becomes familiar and is repeated several times the conscious mind stops focusing on it and entrusts it to our “automatic pilot”, the subconscious. Think of the time when you learnt to drive, or to swim, or to play a musical instrument. At the beginning the whole task seemed to be extremely complicated and very absorbing, leaving no space for anything else in your mind because you were so concentrated on it. Then, with constant repetition, little by little it becomes easier and easier until you start relaxing and if you drive for example you manage to listen to the radio or to speak with your fellow passengers. If you play piano you start paying attention to the interpretation and not only to hitting the right key at the right moment. This is because your mind divides the complex task of driving or playing the piano into many small tasks and the simplest ones become automated, which means that you do them automatically, spontaneously, without consciously thinking of them. When you were a little child you learnt how to open a door and how to stand on two feet and walk: they were very complicated actions at the beginning, which absorbed you completely, but then they became so familiar to you by repetition that you now do them without thinking.

Now think that every time you light up you perform a series of actions which are always the same (opening the packet, removing the cigarette, putting it in your mouth, finding the lighter or the matches, lighting the cigarette ...). Multiply each of these actions by the number of cigarettes you smoke in a day, in a week, in a month, in a year ... and you will see what a strong and powerful habit smoking has become for you. Automatic actions are regulated by the subconscious in order to leave the conscious mind free to deal with challenges and decision-making. Hypnosis is the best tool to reach the subconscious directly and make the changes you need, quickly and effortlessly. The only thing required from you is a real desire to stop; you must really want to stop. If you come to me reluctantly, without being committed to stopping smoking, purely because a friend, your partner or a relative asked you to do so, you will not succeed.

This is because will-power belongs to the conscious mind: will-power is what makes us get up early in the morning and go to work because we need an income, even if we would prefer to sleep longer. Desire comes from the subconscious and is the force that makes us overcome all sorts of obstacles in order to reach something we want. If you run a marathon it is because you want to arrive first. The key word for will-power is “must” while the key word for desire is “want”. If you think you must stop smoking because someone else wants you to, but you are not fully committed to stopping, then hypnosis will not help you. However if you really wish to stop smoking, there is no easier method than hypnosis.

Intimacy, chemistry, love & desire

What is intimacy? I think it's about being ourselves with each other. When we can be completely free, to say whatever we want no matter how personal or sensitive then there is intimacy.

What is chemistry? I think it's when people feel a certain cosmic, spiritual, or soulful connection. This is when we feel we understand someone, without them even having to explain themselves. It is when we know what someone is going to say, before they say it.

What is love? I believe love to be the foundation of eternal trust and unconditional acceptance. When we fear not the other person's actions, and truly accept all their choices, then there is love.

What is desire? Desire could be a "calling" that we feel, a certain sense of attraction, or the feeling of a destiny yet to be fulfilled. Desire is the ignition of passion.

What is life? It is man and women's journey to discover and experience these miracles.

Non verbal communication

A 5 year old sister started crying, quite unusual for her. She continued and became more and more agitated with tears and words flowing nonstop. I had no idea what triggered the outburst, but there she was blaming everything and everyone. The whole world was at fault.

I stopped and sat with her and started listening to her, except that this time, I decided to put into practice what I was learning. I started listening to something deeper than the words, I was listening to the feelings and needs behind the outburst, without blaming and judging. It took her exactly five minutes to vent out and come out with the original need – all she wanted was a Barbie doll and once she said that, the need disappeared and so did the crying.

It was a conversation, where I put the focus back on her and all I did was listen with all my heart – and it was exhilarating for me. I was able to put into practice the process of receiving empathically.

The next morning, there was another difficult conversation that I was part of and was so glad to handle it the way I did. I am delighted to have stumbled upon non violent communication or NVC. Non violent communication is described as a process of communication or a language of compassion, but it is more than a process or language.

On a deeper level, it is an ongoing reminder to keep our attention focused on a place where we are more likely to get what we are seeking. The difficult part of any conversation, more so when emotions are running high, when things are at stake, when our ego is pricked and wants to get even, is to hold ourselves back and listen.

Keep the attention focused. Easier said than done and this is where I think that the years of Sadhana (Meditation) has helped me. So, what does receiving empathically means?

Empathy is a respectful understanding of what others are experiencing. We often have a strong urge to give advice or reassurance and to explain our own position or feeling. Empathy, however, calls upon us to empty our mind and listen to others with our whole being. In non verbal communication, no matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs and requests.

I wish I had learnt to communicate this way much earlier in my life. Why?

Non verbal communication helps us connect with each other and ourselves in a way that allows our natural compassion to flourish. It guides us to reframe the way we express ourselves and listen to others by focusing our consciousness on four areas: what we are observing, feeling, and needing, and what we are requesting to enrich our lives.

NVC fosters deep listening, respect, and empathy and engenders a mutual desire to give from the heart. Some people use NVC to respond compassionately to themselves, some to create greater depth in their personal relationships, and still others to build effective relationships at work or in the political arena. And I am seeing the results in action.

Good luck everyone!

Types of Men

While the following types of men may reserve a special place in your heart and be good for a memory or two, they are not ideal candidates for a serious relationship. If a long term romance is what you truly desire, it is best to avoid these men. While there are always exceptions to the rule, men who can fit into these categories aren't likely to deliver the goods. They are bound to thrill you, disappoint you, frustrate you, and disappoint you again. If an emotional roller coaster is not your idea of a good time, stay away!

1. Mr. I'm In a Relationship But Am Trying To End It: Many people, and most especially men, hold on to the one they are with until the next best thing comes along. Some of these people are cowards, others are jerks, and all are not ready for a serious relationship with someone else if they can't even be honest with their current partner. Besides, don't you want a man who has the courage to speak the truth? (And, if he did it to her, what makes you think he won't do it to you?)

2. Mr. I Don't Date: He is also known as The Eternal Bachelor or Mr. Cheap and/or Lazy. Perhaps, he is bitter. You'll recognize him when he starts talking about his "psycho ex girlfriend". Whether he was burned by love or is the child of divorce, he thinks that he does not want or need romantic love. He might change his mind when he meets a special girl, but until further notice: she is not you. Don't waste your time investing in his potential.

3. Mr. I Have No Idea What I Want To Do With My Life: Many men need to figure out their life's purpose or at least find a job that they don't hate before they are ready to put the effort into a serious relationship with you. These types can be a bit scattered, as they are trying so desperately to find out who they are. They are good guys in disguise. Remain Facebook friends and let fate take its course.

4. Mr. Let Me Pencil You In: The opposite of Mr. No Idea What I Want To Do With My Life, this guy has it all figured out and is uber focused on his career and or/hobbies. When he says he doesn't' have the time or energy for a serious relationship, believe him. Otherwise good luck trying to compete for his attention. Often, especially in NYC, music is his mistress.

5. Mr. Beer Pong: Meeting up with this recycled frat boy at overcrowded bars for overpriced Coronas does not count as a date. Mr. Beer Pong resembles Mr. I Don't Date, but his distinct feature is his reason for not dating has a lot to do with his boozing and womanizing. Let's just say his iPhone contains an overabundance of phone number from all-too-willing-just-turned-twenty-one-year-olds that he met at last call. Five beers and two text messages later, he realizes his life mission: to party like a rockstar.